Optimism Pessimism · Posted May 13, 10:25 AM by Todd Babiak
I finished a draft of my latest novel late last week. For about ten minutes, I was happy. Since then I’ve been feeling nauseous, worried about sending it to my agents, who will then send it to publishers. People who AREN’T ME looking at the novel… it’s terrifying.
It’s also the whole point. Why else would I get up ridiculously early, staring at a computer every dark morning, my heart thumping with caffeine and fear, my wrists aching with various syndromes.
People tell me they’re working on a book, on a cycle of poems, even on a screenplay. Many of them say, “It’s just for me. I’d never show it to anyone.”
I try to be polite in these circumstances, but I’ve never really understood what the hell they’re talking about.
If I didn’t want to show my writing to people, to strangers, I wouldn’t write. I’d sleep instead; I’d open a bubble tea outlet in the suburbs of Montreal instead of having my characters do it. My friend Thomas Trofimuk recently sold his novel for plenty of dough in Toronto, New York, and London. Given that he worked on the thing for something like fifteen years, on and off, even the good-sounding advance probably works out to something worryingly less than minimum wage.
CBC Radio News is on as I write this. Energy companies and Research in Motion are up. Manufacturing concerns are down. David Beckham is in town, to play a soccer game. A devastating earthquake in China. State of the City address. Hilary Clinton is looking for a big win in West Virginia. An economic slowdown or a recession? Did the murderer of a 13-year-old girl on a golf course also kill a prostitute? City councils give the boot to bottled water.
There are plenty of stories in all of this, but no stories about stories. Literature is neither up nor down on the Dow Jones. I’m not even sure what the Dow Jones is. A novel COULD be news, if it were made into a Hollywood movie set in Canada. But even then: only if Johnny Depp is in it. So really, I shouldn’t be unhappy or nervous. The stakes are too low. It’s just for me.
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You have successfully written and published two novels in the same amount of time as it’s taken me to write and not publish one! And I still have draft #13 to go! There’s no story there either, except a very long and as-yet unfinished one. Happy May Long Weekend whenever finally it arrives!
— Laurence Miall May 13, 11:06 PM #
God, it was too early in the day when I posted that. It comes off depressing. I didn’t mean that, really. I know I’m lucky.
In my day job, I receive too many press releases about celebrity shit and too few about art. That’s my problem. I’ll get over it, Laurence.
— Todd May 14, 04:28 PM #
I wonder if that anxiety, doubt, nausea will ever not be part of this process of making novels? It’s pretty exciting too, yes? Your words, your story, your baby is about to be judged by a small group of people…
You know what a huge fan I am. I trust you to be brilliant. I have no doubt about your talent. And I know my saying this will not assuage your anxiety in the least. I’ll cross my fingers for you.
— Thomas May 16, 04:09 PM #
I don’t know much about writing, but I do know that the Dow Jones Industrial Average is a stock index that tracks 30 of the largest companies in the US of A. It’s a remarkably good indicator of overall stock performance, although not without its faults. Coincidentally, it was created by a newspaper writer.
...but at least I enjoy reading, right?
— Taylor Jun 16, 05:08 PM #